Laura J. Lieff
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|Posted on January 31, 2019 at 4:53 PM|
I believe that there is more than one "right one" for all of us. The older we get, the more we hear, "All the good ones are taken" and other like comments. If we had only one soul mate and that soul mate were dead, we'd be seriously out of luck!
I'm not saying that it's easy to meet a right one. You have to put yourself out there, join groups and/or clubs, take courses, take up a sport or new hobby, go to cultural events that interest you, work for your political party, try online dating, etc.
Most people have trouble meeting a right one for one or more of the following reasons: they're very discriminating and/or won't settle, they have unrealistic expectations, they are workaholics and put no time or effort into meeting new people, they're very unappealing physically or mentally, they have no social graces, they're pathologically shy or obnoxious, they're mentally or physically ill, they're loners, they have poor self-esteem, their personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired, they're very pessimistic and it shows, and they don't really want to or are ambivalent about meeting a right one.
Who is a right one? There are a multitude of answers to this question as we're not all searching for the same kind of person. Some of us want the most beautiful or handsome person in a room of 1,000 people, others want the wealthiest, others want the most brilliant, others want the funniest, etc. I believe that if you're interested in having a good, happy marriage or long-term relationship, you should focus on someone who has a good character. That person is more likely than any of the others to be a right one.
Looks fade; people can lose their wealth through bad investments, multiple divorces or a really bad one; a person with a brilliant mind and/or a person who is very funny can lose it through mental or physical illness. The only constant is integrity. A person with a good character, a.k.a. integrity, very rarely changes. He or she is the one who will be by his partner's side no matter what is going on - through sadness, illness, successes, and celebrations. He or she will communicate with his or her partner so that the partner doesn't feel as if he or she is living with a stranger or isn't trusted. He or she won't embarrass his or her partner by treating others badly or by being immoral or unethical. He or she will have his or her partner's back and will respect and admire his or her partner.
I recently read that 70% of married women and 72% of married men are unfaithful to their spouse. I found these statistics to be both surprising and depressing. Unless a couple is very short of funds, there is no reason why they can't seek help from a professional marriage or relationship counselor.
Just because a lot of people are unfaithful, it doesn't, necessarily, follow that your spouse or significant other, or the person whom you're destined to meet are or will be. After all, 30% of women and 28% of men are faithful to their spouse.
If you want to meet a right one, it might take some time and a boatload of patience (and endurance), but there are still some good guys and gals out there. Make sure to pay attention to your gut/instincts/intuition while in the dating market. Once you've been out there for a while, you're usually able to discern who is sincere and who isn't. The person who likes to whisper "sweet nothings" in your ear, is probably not a right one. There's a reason why these phony words or lies are called sweet nothings and the reason is that you'll get nothing of real value from the whisperer.
Get going -- get out there! It's a big world with a lot of people and you never know when a right one will come along. Hopefully, you'll recognize his or her value when he or she does come along.