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Laura J. Lieff

Specializing in Expert Service

My Blog

Blog

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Why Are So Many Manhattanites So Angry?

Posted on January 19, 2020 at 5:17 PM Comments comments (267)
1/19/20 Please click on the link for my latest blog post. Thank you all for your loyalty to my blog and for your patience.

Networking Comfortably

Posted on August 21, 2019 at 9:43 PM Comments comments (351)
Please click on the link to read this blog post.

Blog Posts from 8/18/19 On

Posted on August 19, 2019 at 5:25 PM Comments comments (262)
Since I don't expect VistaPrint, my web host, to fix the technical issue with my Blog anytime soon, I will either start blog posts here and provide a link to the rest of the post, here, or I will post the blog post in an attachment on the Publications and Media section of this website.

Thank you so much for your patience.

My Inability to Post Blog Posts Due to Technical Difficulties

Posted on July 29, 2019 at 4:35 PM Comments comments (365)
For those of you who look forward to reading my blog posts, I am sorry to say that, due to technical difficulties that VistaPrint has been experiencing for a couple of months, I have been unable to post my latest blog post. I have alerted VistaPrint, several times, to this problem. Unfortunately, at this time, I don't know when the problem will be addressed.

Be Proactive About Your Health

Posted on April 21, 2019 at 3:12 PM Comments comments (719)
The one thing that is more important than your family, your friends, your career, and your pets is your health. Although many of us don't give enough thought to our health, without good health, we risk suffering from various disabilities and even a shorter life. There are people who are afraid to see doctors and others who pride themselves on never seeing a doctor. These people are taking unnecessary risks as, frequently, what could become a very serious issue if left unchecked, can be, for all intents and purposes, a non-issue if found and treated early. If you are proactive about going to an internist and whatever specialists you need to go to and taking the recommended tests for someone your age and with your familial health risks, I assure you that, most of the time, you can avoid a serious illness and/or an untimely health-related death.

There are many diseases that don't present with symptoms until they're at an advanced stage and that is why it's important to go to an internist, at least, once a year and to have blood and urine tests, at least, once a year. Just because you feel fine, you shouldn't assume that you are fine. 

Last year, I had a mild bout of vertigo. I didn't think much of it because I was only experiencing it once a day, for less than a minute, upon getting up from bed. I had the vertigo for a week before mentioning it to my internist. When I told her about it, she got me an appointment with a neurologist for that very afternoon! Although vertigo is, typically, caused by a minor ear issue, it can be a symptom of a stroke, a TIA, or a brain tumor. As it turned out, thankfully, my vertigo was from a minor ear issue. If I had had a TIA or a stroke, I would have had to take blood thinning medication, immediately,  to prevent another stroke. I always prefer having an unusual symptom checked out, thoroughly, than to be dismissive of it and think that I'm probably fine. 

Being proactive about your health also includes eating healthily, getting enough sleep, exercising, and socializing. It doesn't include smoking, excessive drinking, taking illegal drugs, and/or not protecting yourself from sexually transmitted diseases.

I'm not telling you anything, here, that you don't already know. I'm just trying to emphasize that, although you're not responsible for the genes that you inherited, you are responsible for taking good care of your health.

Who is a Right One?

Posted on January 31, 2019 at 4:53 PM Comments comments (253)
I believe that there is more than one "right one" for all of us. The older we get, the more we hear, "All the good ones are taken" and other like comments. If we had only one soul mate and that soul mate were dead, we'd be seriously out of luck!

I'm not saying that it's easy to meet a right one. You have to put yourself out there, join groups and/or clubs, take courses, take up a sport or new hobby, go to cultural events that interest you, work for your political party, try online dating, etc.

Most people have trouble meeting a right one for one or more of the following reasons: they're very discriminating and/or won't settle, they have unrealistic expectations, they are workaholics and put no time or effort into meeting new people, they're very unappealing physically or mentally, they have no social graces, they're pathologically shy or obnoxious, they're mentally or physically ill, they're loners, they have poor self-esteem, their  personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired, they're very pessimistic and it shows, and they don't really want to or are ambivalent about meeting a right one.

Who is a right one? There are a multitude of answers to this question as we're not all searching for the same kind of person. Some of us want the most beautiful or handsome person in a room of 1,000 people, others want the wealthiest, others want the most brilliant, others want the funniest, etc. I believe that if you're interested in having a good, happy marriage or long-term relationship, you should focus on someone who has a good character. That person is more likely than any of the others to be a right one.

Looks fade; people can lose their wealth through bad investments, multiple divorces or a really bad one; a person with a brilliant mind and/or a person who is very funny can lose it through mental or physical illness. The only constant is integrity. A person with a good character, a.k.a. integrity, very rarely changes. He or she is the one who will be by his partner's side no matter what is going on - through sadness, illness, successes, and celebrations. He or she will communicate with his or her partner so that the partner doesn't feel as if he or she is living with a stranger or isn't trusted. He or she won't embarrass his or her partner by treating others badly or by being immoral or unethical. He or she will have his or her partner's back and will respect and admire his or her partner.

I recently read that 70% of married women and 72% of married men are unfaithful to their spouse. I found these statistics to be both surprising and depressing. Unless a couple is very short of funds, there is no reason why they can't seek help from a professional marriage or relationship counselor.
Just because a lot of people are unfaithful, it doesn't, necessarily, follow that your spouse or significant other, or the person whom you're destined to meet are or will be. After all, 30% of women and 28% of men are faithful to their spouse.

If you want to meet a right one, it might take some time and a boatload of patience (and endurance), but there are still some good guys and gals out there. Make sure to pay attention to your gut/instincts/intuition while in the dating market. Once you've been out there for a while, you're usually able to discern who is sincere and who isn't. The person who likes to whisper "sweet nothings" in your ear, is probably not a right one. There's a reason why these phony words or lies are called sweet nothings and the reason is that you'll get nothing of real value from the whisperer.

Get going -- get out there! It's a big world with a lot of people and you never know when a right one will come along. Hopefully, you'll recognize his or her value when he or she does come along.

Bon chance!

Be Healthy - Love Your Work

Posted on November 25, 2018 at 1:16 PM Comments comments (277)
I'd like to thank all of you very much for sending me your approval of, and enthusiasm for, my blog posts. If I had enough time, I'd thank you all, individually, but I get so many comments that I can't. Also, I frequently can't tell to which blog the writer is referring. The bottom line is that I read all of your comments and very much appreciate them.
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I spend most of my time doing work-related work. It doesn't always feel like work because I love what I do for a living and feel very fortunate that I do. When I'm not doing work-related work, I'm online shopping, researching something, looking for restaurants or movies, reading articles of interest to me, and posting on social media. In other words, I'm doing a variety of work most of the time. Some might say that I'm a workaholic. I might even agree with them as, although I love whatever leisure time I have, I thrive on being productive. It's great to know that there are things awaiting my attention upon waking up. Work keeps me enthusiastic about life and plugged into the world. 

Admittedly, there are times that I wish that I had more time to relax, but I suspect that, if I did, I'd look for a project on which to work. Once in a rare while, I give myself a full day off to veg out, see a movie or a friend, etc. As much as I enjoy working, I enjoy relaxing too. Even if I could retire, I wouldn't want to, at least, not at this time. It would be nice to have an additional day off, but that's not a viable option right now.

Although most people work to earn money and to "contribute" in some way, a few people I know and I are motivated, primarily, by the love of being productive and the love of what we do for a living. That's not to say that we're willing to work without being compensated, appropriately, for our efforts, but to say that money isn't the primary motivating force for us.

Work isn't always healthy, though, especially if you're under constant pressure. For example, if you work for difficult people, if you work at something that you don't enjoy, and/or if you aren't earning what you think you're services are worth, work can be very stressful for you.

The takeaway from this post is that, in order to enjoy life more, you should love the work that you do. If you truly love what you do for a living, it's less like work and more like an avocation.



How to Get Promoted

Posted on August 27, 2018 at 6:00 PM Comments comments (339)
If you're an ambitious person and want to get ahead in your career, there are a number of things that you should consider and that you need to do.

First of all, you should be certain that you're in the right career for you and that you work at a company that prefers promoting its employees to hiring from the outside. To be in the right career means that you're good at what you do and that you enjoy it.

Secondly, you should be approachable and friendly towards everyone with whom you come in contact on the job. Being friendly doesn't translate into spending a lot of time in the kitchen or at the proverbial water cooler. It means being pleasant around your coworkers and others with whom you come into contact. It's wise to not participate, actively, in office gossip, although it's hard to avoid hearing it. If you're asked to volunteer an opinion, it's best to be noncommittal or neutral. Since it's not always easy to discern who is gunning for the same promotion that you'd like to get, you don't want to say anything that could be damaging to you if it were to be repeated to the wrong person or misinterpreted. 

Thirdly, you should do the best work of which you're capable at your current position. Don't be content doing the bare minimum just to get by. Go above and beyond what's expected of you, whenever possible, and make sure that your boss knows what you've done. Also, if you have free time, ask your boss for additional assignments with which he or someone else in the department might need assistance. Try to find out as much as you can about how things are done and/or how things work in positions other than your own.

Fourthly, you should dress appropriately for the position that you're seeking. Image counts.

Fifthly, try to become expert at an important function of your department. Try to be the "go to" person of the group.

It goes without saying that you should show up on time and try to avoid being the first person to leave for the day.

Of course, it makes sense to investigate what the possible promotion entails so that you're gunning for a position that you would enjoy. If it turns out that you wouldn't enjoy the next move up, you might consider whether there's another position that's a promotion that you would enjoy or whether you could make a lateral move that could lead to a somewhat different career path.

Once you've been at your current position for a while and you know that you're a valued employee, you should let your boss know that you would love to be considered for any positions that should come up that are more advanced than your current position.


Do Business with Respectful Business People Only

Posted on June 30, 2018 at 4:57 PM Comments comments (367)
I recently contacted someone with whom I, briefly, shared an office, more than 25 years ago, to find out whether she'd be willing to pay me a finder's fee for referring good candidates to her. She said that she would. When I told her that I'd write an agreement regarding our orally agreed-upon business arrangement, she became defensive and said, "Don't you trust me?" To assure her that my wanting to get our agreement in writing was no reflection on her, I told her that this is the way that I do business and that I can count on one hand the number of people I trust. A red flag went up, immediately, as people who don't want to sign agreements frequently don't want to be accountable. I emailed the woman the agreement. It was a straightforward, simple, one-page agreement. Days went by and I still hadn't received a signed copy back from her. 

When I told the woman that I needed to get back to my client, she promised me that she'd sign the agreement and send it back to me that Saturday. On Saturday, I received an email from her telling me that I'd have the signed agreement in my hands by that night. I didn't. The next morning, I asked her about it and she balked, again, about having to sign an agreement and made a lame excuse as to why she couldn't send it to me on the day that she had promised to do so.

As you can imagine, I decided not to do business with her as she was behaving as if she were doing me a favor when, in reality, we would have  been doing each other a favor and I found her behavior to be disrespectful of me.

The takeaway, here, is as follows: (1) a business agreement should always be in writing (2) tread carefully if a business person balks about having a written agreement (3) if you feel as if a business person isn't treating you respectfully and/or is jerking you around, you're better off not doing business with that person. 

No matter how long you know someone, you should still treat that person with respect. This woman's questionable treatment of me didn't bode well for how she would have treated my clients. I can't and won't refer my clients to business people who are disrespectful and/or untrustworthy and neither should you.

The Marital Contract

Posted on March 21, 2018 at 10:47 AM Comments comments (823)
There is a wide range of marital contracts today. Most marriages are, still, between two people, however, there are people who have open marriages, polygamist marriages, polyamorous marriages and sexless marriages. As a traditionalist, my concept of marriage involves a marriage between two people. For purposes of this post, I will discuss marriage between a man and a woman only. This is in no way, shape, or form a political statement. Soon, you'll understand why I am limiting this discussion to marriage between a man and a woman.

As I recall (I was married [and divorced] a very long time ago), there's a statement in the marriage vows about "forsaking all others". Although marriage means different things to different people and although people marry for a variety of reasons, most would agree that the traditional marriage contract includes sexual relations between the two married people. After all, how can one expect one's spouse to forsake all others if one is not living up to his or her marital contract?

There are some people who are asexual and others who have a very low sex drive. If the spouses of these people have a normal sex drive, they are bound to be dissatisfied with the state of their union. They are faced with some difficult choices. They can go for counseling with their spouses, go outside of the marriage for sex, become celibate, or get a divorce. Counseling is, probably, a good first step, however, it might not help. 

It is my contention that (1) people who are asexual or who have a low sex drive should find each other and marry each other, (2) a married person cannot expect fidelity from his or her partner if he or she is unwilling to hold up his or her end of the marital contract and (3) a person who has a healthy sex drive should not have to deny his or her needs because of a partner who is too selfish to satisfy those needs.

Although I could discuss this in terms of men not fulfilling the marital contract, I will discuss it in terms of women not doing so as that seems to be the more typical scenario. I had, recently, written a blog post about the importance of honesty in relationships. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be enough of this, as, based on what I hear from men whom I know well, there are women who pretend to be sexual beings to "snag" a man and, then, once they've accomplished their objective, slack off regarding fulfilling their husband's sexual needs. I am not suggesting, here, that a woman has to go along with all of her husband's sexual demands or that she has to comply every time her husband wants relations. What I am suggesting is that a woman who isn't selfish will do her best to acquiesce to most or, at least, many of her husband's sexual needs, assuming that they aren't repugnant to her, and will try to satisfy him, sometimes, even when she doesn't feel like doing so. A man shouldn't have to deny his needs or martyr himself because his spouse doesn't especially enjoy sex or no longer cares about satisfying him sexually. 

Apparently, some post-menopausal women find intercourse to be very painful. I can understand why these women might not want to subject themselves to pain. However, there are many other ways to satisfy one's partner that these women can employ. In my opinion, to deny one's mate the enjoyment for which you both contracted on your wedding day is to break the marital contract and is to show a lack of love and empathy for one's partner.

I am not suggesting that sex is the only component of a good marriage, however, it is an integral component of a good marriage and it is something that nobody should be denied unless there is an upfront agreement between the two partners that the marriage will be a sexless one.

In my opinion, being in a marriage that has become sexless is a very sad state of affairs and is something that doesn't need to be tolerated as it's a broken marriage due to a broken marital contract.

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